Dear lord I almost told one of my managers that I almost drunkenly broke into a school

Anonymous Asked
QuestionWho pays on a lesbian date? Answer

fuckinglesbian:

You split it or argue over who pays like everyone else

rosadrives:

when ur wife invites a bee over for dinner and he sits in ur spot

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intensional:

when there’s a fire, don’t forget to stop, drop and pop it, lock it, polka dot it, country-fy it and hip-hop it

Getting closer to that first tattoo!

moltres:

overhearing a conversation between strangers in which they’re saying something completely wrong and you really feel like correcting them

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titytwochainz:

dick longer than ya girl explainin how her day went

nernesis:

WHAT IS “FOR 20” AND WHY ARE ALL THESE RED EYED TEENAGERS TALKING ABOUT ARSON

i-need-the-pie-bitch:

i-need-the-pie-bitch:

my brother once accidentally locked himself in a dog cage and starting snapchatting photos for help till my mum and dad had to drive over and free him

did I fail to mention my brother is a 25 year old man

(Source: rosaeverdeen)

snowtorch:

(seductively licks lips)

(grabs your wrist)

(furiously hits you with your own hand)

WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF WHY AR